On the eve of it all...

Merry Christmas Eve!

I started thinking about the idea of an "eve," about how often through history we think of the eve before an event. Sometimes this is a very broad "eve," and sometimes it is confined to a specific day. I tend to think of how history books call the time before a cataclysmic event or social/political/climate changing event the "eve." How often are these good moments? Like the eve of the Holocaust, or the eve of the Great Depression. Yes, the years before the Depression were pretty snazzy, but obviously the Depression kind of wipes away all of that in the minds of the everyday American. But really, think of the changes that occurred, and recognize what "Eve" really means.

Now, I don't mean to be a debby-downer on the night before Christmas. Forever the Devil's advocate, I suppose they say. Speaking of which, how many people stop to think about how Christmas Eve technically represents the night before Christ was born? Think of the changes that birth caused! This is supposing that you believe. To quote my family's favorite Christmas movie, "The Santa Clause," I must ask, is seeing believing or is believing seeing?

Ok, back to Christmas Eve. My family has this tradition where my little brother and I are given new pajamas and we have a little "party" instead of dinner. We eat food that is really bad for us while we watch "The Santa Clause." It isn't a big deal, it isn't very fancy at all, but it is fun. It is something that we've done since...well, before I can remember. Almost 19 years? I'm pretty sure my parents started doing it my first Christmas. But I can guarantee this: it is one thing that I will always remember. It is such a part of me, and a huge reminder of my childhood. As I grow up, and as Christmas changes every year since I stopped believing in Santa Claus, this ritual brings me back and makes me feel like a child again.

Have a very Merry Christmas loves.

peace&love.

You want the truth?

I don't think I can even trust myself anymore.

But I'm trying.

Peaceful ponderings

Has the realization that you exist ever hit you really hard? Hard enough to knock your breath away and make you reconsider every decision you've made? This happens to me, frequently.

And no, I am not high. Thanks for wondering, though.

I read this article today about influential people who changed the world but died at a very young age. This list ranged from Jean Harlow, Marilyn Monroe and James Dean to Martin Luther King Jr. and JFK to F. Scott Fitzgerald and Jack Kerouac. Some of the stories were tragic, some enraging. All of them made me wonder how important the work I do will be in the grand scheme of things.

I have no intention of being famous or important to very many people at all. I'd actually like to avoid that at all costs. The limelight is not exactly where I'd like to spend my life. That's why my preferred form of expression involves a pen. I'd just like to make some sort of impact on someone. One life, I would like to make a difference in, that's all.

I stand for things, and I think they are important things. What if others do? What if I could change the course of things, by igniting my opinions and letting others know about them, by forcing some sort of change?

What if I shrunk into a hole and wrote for myself, but nobody else?

What will it take to know, in my last moments, that I mattered?

peace&love.

Because I Said So.

One paper, 6 finals and I will be done for the semester!
This was an insanely bust 3 months (it is 3, right? September, October, November...and December). Oops, I mean 4. But see, here's my point: the time flew by! It feels like I just moved into my room a couple of weeks ago. I don't enjoy this whole "let's finish each semester really quickly" business. I like stretching things out. As much as I don't want to do work anymore, I'm not quite ready for the semester to end. There is too much unfinished business to attend to. What if situations aren't the same in 6 1/2 weeks, when we return to these hallowed halls in February? Hmm.
This brings me to another point. SO MUCH DRAMA EXISTS IN COLLEGE. It is ridiculous and unnecessary. I am not a person who enjoys listening to people bitch and moan about the same nonsense over and over again. Especially when it's about relationships. If you haven't noticed, everyone has relationship problems. You aren't special, or even unique in that sense. Go home drama queens. Or, rather, go back to high school. I don't want to deal with it anymore. Not that I really even bother to deal with most of it. I more or less ignore it, except for what I want to know. Because deep down, and as much as I really don't care about any of it, I am nosy. I like to know things. But hey. My job is to observe, right? Right.